A bird's poop

A bird pooped on the head of one of two friends.
- Do you have a piece of paper?
- What for? The ass has already flown away...

I want to go to Thailand

Two friends:
- Hi. How are you?
- Everything is fine. Just a bit frustrated. Yesterday had a quarrel with my wife.
- Why?
- We can’t agree where to spend the vacation. I want to go to Thailand... and she wants to go with me.

Speak in a roundabout way

Two friends meet in the street:
First: How are you?
Second: Fine.
First: How is your wife?
Second: Good.
First: How are your kids?
Second: Great.
First: Could you lend me 20 bucks?
Second: Kiss my neck.
First: Why?!
Second: You also started to speak in a roundabout way...

Have fun in Ukraine!

No regrets

Two friends:
- Hi. I've heard you got married. So how is it?
- Smoking is forbidden, drinking is forbidden, watching football is forbidden...
- So you probably regret that you.ve got married.
- Complaining is also forbidden...

A glass of water

A young man doesn't know if he should get married or not. His friend advises him to get married:
- At least when you are old there will be a person who will bring you a glass of water.
And the young man decided to get married.
50 years later they meet again. The friend says:
- Remember, I advised you to get married: now you have someone who can bring you a glass of water, don't you?
- Yes, I do. You were right. The problem is - I'm not thirsty at all.

No woman, no cry

Two friends, that haven’t seen each other for a long time, meet in the street:
- So, what about family life? Is everything ok?
- Everything is fine!
- Wife? Kids?
- I’ve told you - everything is fine: no wife, no kids.