They say 'miser pays twice'. I'd rather work for a miser.
Have fun in Ukraine!
Showing posts with label Odds'n'Ends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Odds'n'Ends. Show all posts
A bad suit
A client is complaining to the tailor that he made a bad suit.
Tailor: Well, what do you think about our mayor?
Client: He is the worst mayor our city ever had!
Tailor: Well, what do you think about our government?
Client: It is the worst government in the world!
Tailor: Well, then why did you start from the suite I made?
Have fun in Ukraine!
Tailor: Well, what do you think about our mayor?
Client: He is the worst mayor our city ever had!
Tailor: Well, what do you think about our government?
Client: It is the worst government in the world!
Tailor: Well, then why did you start from the suite I made?
Have fun in Ukraine!
Sell the elephant
Two men meet.
- How are you?
- Great! Bought an elephant: kids are excited, wife adores the elephant - it waters the flowers, lifts beam to the roof, cleans the well...
- Wow... Could you sell it to me?
- No, it is already like a family member
- Please...
- Well, ok.
In a month two men meet again.
- So, how is the elephant?
- Disaster! All flowers are trampled down, the roof is broken, crap in the well. All the house is in its shit, wife and kids are afraid to go outside...
- Well, with such an attitude you will not sell the elephant!
Have fun in Ukraine!
- How are you?
- Great! Bought an elephant: kids are excited, wife adores the elephant - it waters the flowers, lifts beam to the roof, cleans the well...
- Wow... Could you sell it to me?
- No, it is already like a family member
- Please...
- Well, ok.
In a month two men meet again.
- So, how is the elephant?
- Disaster! All flowers are trampled down, the roof is broken, crap in the well. All the house is in its shit, wife and kids are afraid to go outside...
- Well, with such an attitude you will not sell the elephant!
Have fun in Ukraine!
Watch from Switzerland
- Where is this watch made?
- In Switzerland.
- Why does it have engraving "Made in China" on the back side?
- For normal people this watch is made in Switzerland, for such curious as you are it is made in China.
- In Switzerland.
- Why does it have engraving "Made in China" on the back side?
- For normal people this watch is made in Switzerland, for such curious as you are it is made in China.
What should I do if the parachute doesn't open
In the shop:
- What should I do if I pull the ring but the parachute doesn't open?
- Pull the second ring?
- What if I pull the second ring but the parachute doesn't open?
- Our shop will replace the broken parachute for free.
- What should I do if I pull the ring but the parachute doesn't open?
- Pull the second ring?
- What if I pull the second ring but the parachute doesn't open?
- Our shop will replace the broken parachute for free.
Newspaper announcement
Dear readers,
At your requests, our newspaper will be published without text and sold in rolls.
At your requests, our newspaper will be published without text and sold in rolls.
Learn from the master
The sewer system is broken and is full of shit. Maintenance crew arrived. The old master jumps into the sewer and ask the young one to give him a key, then another. Finally he gets out of the sewer in shit from head to feet and says:
- Learn from the master, otherwise the only thing you will ever do is giving the keys!
- Learn from the master, otherwise the only thing you will ever do is giving the keys!
Fishing cools down
A man is fishing for an hour: no catch. Two hours: no catch. Four hours: no catch. In the evening there is still no fish, so he stands up to go home and says:
- If I didn't know that fishing cools down, I would kill somebody.
- If I didn't know that fishing cools down, I would kill somebody.
Why do authorities in United States respect their people?
- Why do authorities in United States respect their people?
- Because their people can easily and legally buy fire-arms.
- Because their people can easily and legally buy fire-arms.
Long-liver secret
A journalist is interviewing a long-liver.
- You don't smoke, do you?
- Well, I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day.
- Maybe, you don't drink alcohol?
- Well, I drink a bottle of vodka every day.
- How come you live for so long?
- Well, I've never ever argued with anyone about anything…
- But, it's impossible!
- Totally agree with you.
- You don't smoke, do you?
- Well, I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day.
- Maybe, you don't drink alcohol?
- Well, I drink a bottle of vodka every day.
- How come you live for so long?
- Well, I've never ever argued with anyone about anything…
- But, it's impossible!
- Totally agree with you.
What time is it now?
Two men in the train. One is about 25, another is about 50. The young man asks:
- Could you please tell me what time it is now?
The old man keeps silence. When the train arrived the old man says:
- It is half past six.
The young man asks:
- Why didn't you tell me when I asked?
The old man explains:
- If I told you the time, you would thank me. I would ask you where you were going. You would tell me that you don't know anyone in this town. I would invite you to my house. You would see my daughter, fall in love with her and want to marry her.
- So what?
- Why should I need a son-in-law that doesn't have watches?
- Could you please tell me what time it is now?
The old man keeps silence. When the train arrived the old man says:
- It is half past six.
The young man asks:
- Why didn't you tell me when I asked?
The old man explains:
- If I told you the time, you would thank me. I would ask you where you were going. You would tell me that you don't know anyone in this town. I would invite you to my house. You would see my daughter, fall in love with her and want to marry her.
- So what?
- Why should I need a son-in-law that doesn't have watches?
Pareto principle
It is well-known that 20% of people do so much work as other 80%. However, it is not so well-known that 80% of people think that they belong to these 20%.
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