Before drinking

- Vodka influences us even before drinking! For example, I've just bought a bottle of vodka and haven't opened it yet, but I'm already in a good mood!
- In fact, I'm going to give up drinking because my hands are shaking...
- That's what I am talking about! You have only started thinking of it, but your body already protests against it.

Russian panacea

Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

A bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola

A man comes to the shop:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
Half an hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.
An hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of... of Sprite. It seems Coca-cola makes me sick!

A drunk anaesthetist

The beginning of the operation. The anaesthetist leans over the patient to put an anesthetic mask. The patient smells the booze breath and exclaims:
- Doctor, you are drunk!
The anaesthetist gives the patient a tender slap in the face.
- Am I drunk? You should have seen the surgeon!

It's working!

Traffic police stops a car.
Policeman: Have you drunk vodka today?
Driver: No.
Policeman: Breathe into the tube... Well, no alcohol is detected... Maybe the tube is broken… (breathes into the tube himself) No, it's working!

Have fun in Ukraine!

Samogon (home-brew) producing machine

During the search in a man's house policeman finds the samogon (home-brew) producing machine.
Policeman: You are accused of producing samogon (home-brew).
Man: I didn't produce samogon (home-brew)!
Policeman: But you have the equipment.
Man: Then you can accuse me of rape as well!
Policeman: Have you raped anybody?!
Man: No! But I have the equipment!

Have fun in Ukraine!

A clean beer mug

Two friends order beer in a bar. One of them adds:
- Make sure the mug is clean!
In a minute the waiter brings two beer mugs and asks:
- Which of you ordered beer in a clean mug?

Have fun in Ukraine!

Vodka volunteer

- Tell us, what forces you to drink vodka every day?
- Nothing. I'm a volunteer.

Have fun in Ukraine!

Can you film after a glass of vodka?

Cameraman at job interview:
- Can you film after a glass of vodka?
- Yes.
- Can you film after two glasses of vodka?
- Yes.
- Can you film after a bottle of vodka?
- Yes, but then only as a film director.

Have fun in Ukraine!

Good tip for losing weight

If you are afraid of putting on weight, you should drink a glass of vodka before the meal. Vodka dulls the fear.

Vodka overboard

The scientific ship is in the sea for three months. The crew starts drinking hard. The captain decided to stop it and gathers the crew onboard.
- Because of frequent accidents of deep drinking I command to throw all the bottles of vodka overboard.
Deadly silence. Someone from the back:
- Sure. The captain is right. Let's throw all the vodka overboard!
The rest of the crew angrily:
- Shut up, diver!